I don't mean to gripe but I saw you open tonight In your latest play and I know what your critics will say They'll say you should've stayed home and your mind wanders then it roams
They're just jealous of your throne
You've had a little to drink but first night jitters shouldn't make you think Of giving up the ghost, it's what you do best and I love the most But they'll say you should've stayed home and go over you with a fine tooth comb
They're just jealous of your throne
So please don't close the show Take a deep breath and then blow Everyone away and close your ears to the small minds that say You sing in a monotone that sounds best on the telephone
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